Blog post

A lesson in not (unnecessarily) pushing yourself

March 1, 2019

This is me right now, while I’m on the road in Arizona for work. This trip has been action packed, and when I am traveling I try my best to be THERE- at all the parties, socializing like a butterfly with ALL the people, and soaking in all the experience. But sometimes that’s hard to do, like today, when I woke up feeling wretched (I’ve been feeling like I’m coming down w something for the last couple of days).

On top of that, I got some news on Thursday right before my trip that I’ve been digesting & trying to determine my path through- my doctor called to tell me that the ultrasound I thought was no big deal last week actually resulted in me being given 2 diagnoses- Endometriosis and PCOS. While I think further investigation may be necessary before prematurely pegging myself with these diagnoses, what I do know is this- I have a cyst the size of a lemon on my right ovary and 2 cysts on my left ovary along with a mass in my uterus…and for the last year and a half I’ve been having a lot of pain and suffering…including heavy bleeding this past summer for 24 days straight that left me physically EXHAUSTED & depleted.

So why the overshare and how does this tie into the lesson I’m learning today? For so long, I thought I always had to bring my A-Game, especially at work being in a male dominated field. I thought that letting anyone know that I was struggling with something would reflect poorly on me and my performance, so I would push and push and push thru suffering to show up.

And today, I’m not.

Today, I’m resting.

Today, I’m sharing this because I’m taking away the shame from my personal health struggle. I’m disempowering what has disempowered me.

We do NOT have to push ourselves unnecessarily to show up just because we think we should. I had an open conversation with my employer about feeling unwell and I didnt even have to ask to be excused- they told me to go take a nap and ward off this sickness. (Thank you to my boss!) I have quickly shared my need for surgery in the next month or two, and I know that if I need to, I can tell them when I’m in pain and how to handle that.

I am taking down some walls with the people in my life and removing the guilt and the shame and the feeling of NOT BEING ENOUGH- in my work and in my relationships.

Going thru a struggle like this, whether it’s a cold or a chronic illness, does NOT mean I can’t bring my A Game and best self to work or to my life. Sometimes it just means I need a little rest first. 😊

Let’s take away the feelings we have about ourselves that aren’t true- and let’s be authentic with who we are and what we go thru. Know when you need to show up because YOU want to show up, and know when you’re pushing yourself because of an ideal you have in your head that isn’t truly yours.

Tap in to what success looks like to you, on your own terms, before the world told you what it should be. Sending you lots of courage to take care of yourself in the best possible way today, and every day. And to every single person reading this, be kind to those around you…everyone is going thru their own journey. 💜

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